Black Book
by Playfully Pondering Puppies
Summary: Remus tries to figure out his place within the Marauders, his confusing friendship with the reckless and impossible Sirius Black, and what he's going to do with that hideous orange bra Sirius pinned to the wall. Set in fifth year. Remus/Sirius.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Slashy flavor to be anticipated, just a warning.

Sirius' new attempt at décor struck me as more of an obstruction. Admittedly it gave the rather monotonous maroon and gold room a spice of purple, pink, and orange, but personally I don't think it was worth depriving some perfectly nice girl her undergarments. Judging by the size of the bra, I rather think she needed it more than the wall did.

"Padfoot," James said, awe lining his voice unnecessarily, "you are brilliant. Perfectly brilliant. How did you manage this?"

"Snatched it clean off of her back—she wasn't exactly objecting at the time, though I think I was supposed to return it at some point."

I looked up from my disgusted view of the offending undergarment to see Sirius' expression. His face was carefully blank, minus a bit of a smug smile, and most unrevealing. The bra blazed orange triumph.

"Blimey," Peter said from the bunk above me, "think she'll notice it's gone?"

"Yes, Peter," I provided, determinedly averting my gaze from the gloating thing on the wall and the two pleased boys in front of me, "I imagine Emma Gardner is due to report Sirius for stealing quite soon. And since this is Sirius' third count of indecent behavior, considering the nature of the object, I imagine his detention will likely include a letter home." I shot Sirius a thick gaze and returned to my textbook.

"How d'you know it's Gardner's?" Sirius asked, missing my point entirely.

"Who else would fit into that?" James helped, eliciting snickers from Sirius and Peter.

I kept watching my book, listening to the conversation despite my best attempts. The bra was directly in my vision, first thing I'd see whenever I opened the curtains in the morning. To make it worse, it sat right over the poster of a witch model Sirius tacked up, wearing a black hat and slinky red dress and _sauntering_ all the time while she winked and blew kisses.

Between the sickening trophy and that woman with her wiggly hips, mornings would be perfectly awful. Except for the sleepy wizard with dark tousled hair that greeted me when I finally parted the curtains to face the day.

I didn't feel my day brightening now, though. Rather, I wished he would go back to the common room and take our new wall decoration with him.

Despite my best hopes, Sirius' retreat was looking less and less likely. Sirius and Peter were currently attempting to pin the thing to the wall with spell-o-tape to assure permanency while James looked on. All of the attention got Sirius flushed with excitement, a sure sign he'd soon be propositioning a midnight raid of the kitchens, or forbidden corridors, or a new way to siege the girl's dormitories; and James would soon be agreeing.

"Perfect!" James said as the two stepped down to admire their work. I looked up. It was a little lopsided, and one of the straps was twisted (that would be the hardest part of all for me to ignore), but it stayed put well enough.

"Great," I muttered, "put the evidence on display."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Moony. No one will come looking for it." His confidence didn't evoke any of the same in me. He turned to face James, the only other real authority in the room as far as he was concerned. "Hey, how about tonight we check to see if we can get into Slughorn's office? We're in need of diced dragon spleen and I want to see if the old boy really is keeping records of you and Lily's '_exemplary potions performance_' like he claims he is."

James sneered, but couldn't hide the light flush that crept up his neck at the thought of reading Slughorn's information on Lily. "Guess we best not put off the dragon spleen. We need it by next week."

"Great!" Peter said, sounding his acquiescence.

"Moony?" I felt Sirius' appealing eyes on me. How could I object? I was the one that told them the addition of dragon spleen generalized a searching potion. It was partially my responsibility to see they got out safe. And to make sure James didn't steal all of Slughorn's records.

I gave a small nod, not meeting his eyes. But Sirius had already moved on, grinning and jostling with James out of the room. The bed over me was silent for a moment as Peter watched them go, undoubtedly hoping they'd come back and invite him along. Then he lay back with a creak and the room was once more still.

The seductive witch in the poster was uncharacteristically still, her back turned to the room as she craned her head up to admire the bra. She caught my gaze from the corner of her eye and wiggled her rear end at me invitingly.

I shut the curtains.

A/N Started this fic based off of a drawing I did, and it ran away with my keyboard and wrote itself. I haven't written Sirius/Remus, or anything Harry Potter in at least three years. This return to them is really exciting for me! More chapters coming!


	2. Chapter 2

Black Book Chapter II

"_Alohomora" _James whispered fiercely at the thick wooden door. It remained determinedly shut. "_Alohomora!" _he said again, flicking his wand at it like he was threatening to switch it.

"It's no use. It's probably charmed better than that to keep students out." Slughorn wouldn't just leave himself open to be broken in on like that.

Peter hovered above us, the light from his wand falling short on the impenetrable door.

"Reckon we can just ask him?" Peter asked.

James ignored him, still flicking his wand ferociously at the unmoving blockade.

"Class four prohibited item," I said, answering for James. "Only for medical and educational purposes." I didn't like James and Sirius leaving Peter hanging like that. They were happy to let him talk when he was worshipping them, but had no tolerance for his more obvious questions.

"Oh," he said, then cast a glance around him. "Where's Sirius?"

"Here," Sirius said from right behind me. I jumped and suppressed a yelp. He nudged his way into the circle of light and held something reflective up to the doorknob, sliding it into the keyhole and turning it with a satisfying click and small puff of green light.

He pushed the door open.

"Is that it then? I know I'm not that bad at unlocking doors."

"Nah, the key disenchanted everything. I'm pretty sure there were some nasty hexes set up, too."

"And he just left the key lying around?" I asked skeptically.

Sirius popped a green stereo-shaped candy into his mouth from a packet of Muggle Bites. "Slughorn's cautious, but lazy. Easy way for him to get past all his enchantments in one go. It was in the top drawer." _Along with a now missing pack of Muggle Bites,_ I thought, but kept silent.

James pushed the door open and sidled in, followed by Sirius and the Peter with the light. I reluctantly joined as the caboose. James and Sirius bee-lined for a bookshelf lined with the black books in which Slughorn kept his records. Peter joined them, leaving the cabinets with potions supplies to me. Naturally.

A simple unlocking charm got me into the supply cabinet. I lit the end of my wand and peered at the wall of jars marked with Slughorn's neat script.

"Dragon spleen…" I muttered, scanning the assorted goods. Crushed scarabs, goat's tongues, gillyweed, mermaid scat… Mermaid scat? I resisted the urge to inspect it. Or think about it. Dehydrated pixie wings, powdered dragon talon…

"Woah!" James said, interrupting my search as he flipped through a black book. "Slughorn is _thorough._"

Sirius was reading from another book. "He must spend hours writing it all… listen to this: 'Tia Juniper: Ravenclaw. Average potions performance. Exemplary social comprehension, though. Well liked and attractive. Possibly a future in the Ministry if she can start keeping her _nightly exploits_ from the public eye by not discussing them in class.' " Sirius snapped the book shut. "And here we were thinking you were special when he said he was recording your superior potions skills, Prongs."

"Blimey…" Peter said, grinning.

I shifted uneasily. Sneaking into the Potions room for a few bits of dragon spleen was one thing—it was for the greater good, after all. But this felt inappropriate. And I was, as usual, caught up in the spiraling train.

"We've got to make copies," Sirius said, looking at the miniature library in awe. He selected four empty books from the bottom of the shelf, lined up and waiting for Slughorn's careful assessment.

I pretended not to notice James and Sirius bending over the books attempting to navigate a tricky spell that would copy only relevant passages. I, at least, would pursue the original mission, not read some professor's diary.

"Dragon spleen…" There it was… half an inch from my nose. I conjured a phial and selected only a few pieces. They were wet and squelchy and held the stale scent of meat spelled against rotting. I corked the glass and found myself with nothing to do but witness the crime taking place.

Failing to find a charm specific enough, they had simply elected to copy the Gryffindor section of the past three years. James was almost finished with the last one. His wand emitted an inky flow into the empty journal, like hundreds of words pouring too quickly to be distinct.

"I have the dragon spleen," I said.

"Great," Sirius said, "we can finish the potion when we get back." He held the three already finished books as though prepared to make a dash with his winnings.

James wand stopped its gushing and dripped only a few late punctuation marks that scattered into the binding in their rush to finish wordy sentences.

"Right, let's go," Sirius said, already leaving the office. We left, and he turned the key back into its place and returned it to the drawer.

"With the books, we can probably only fit three under my cloak… Remus, put your prefect badge on! No one will suspect you're up to anything."

"I can't," I said miserably, clutching the dragon spleen.

"Why not?" There were several reasons. I could have said because prefects can't roam the halls at a whim. Or that if they suspect someone's up to something, they must grab a professor. I could also have said that if I got noticed coming out of the dungeons and Slughorn later detected his office had been entered, I'd become an immediate suspect. But James was already unraveling his cloak and Sirius was trying to arrange the books so they weren't an obstruction, so I went with the most obvious.

"I didn't bring my badge."

"Why not?" James repeated.

"It didn't seem appropriate! Breaking the rules and such! I thought it was better left behind so it wouldn't be a part of my crime!" It had felt symbolic at the time. I wrung the dragon spleen, feeling stupid and knowing what was coming next.

"Everyone knows you're a prefect," Sirius said, using his reasonable voice which usually meant someone was about to get into really big trouble. "You'll be fine, if anyone stops you, you can say you were protecting Hogwarts or something."

Peter waved piteously, and all of my friends disappeared in a flick of cloth. I had been replaced by a stack of gossip books.

"C'mon, we didn't run into anyone on our way down." Sirius' voice was moving slowly ahead of me. The three shuffled in unison, the bottom of their shoes revealing their position. I walked ahead and opened the door for them.

**A/N: I greatly appreciate the reviews! Also I don't usually write dialogue heavy stories, but all the Marauders together are **_**chatty**_**. **


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius' optimistic prediction held true until the third floor, when we ran into Professor McGonagall. Of all people.

"Lupin," she said from behind me, her silhouette in a doorframe we had passed, presuming it empty. Her voice mouthed surprise and disappointment in a way only experienced older women can manage. She immediately turned this way and that to see around me, undoubtedly looking for a sign of Sirius or James behind me. They must have squatted to cover their feet, because she turned her full attention back to me.

"Remus Lupin. The halls are off limits after midnight; even to prefects," she added, raising an arching eyebrow and regarding me coldly.

"Um, yes. And I know it's off limits, and I should stay in Gryffindor tower."

"Yes."

"Ah, but I left my…" I looked around to get my bearings. We were near the Transfiguration classroom, but that story would be riddled with holes considering my captor. "My Astronomy book. I think I left it in the Great Hall, and I'm a full page from finishing the essay on Astronomy's role in basic Divination due tomorrow." I had finished a week ago.

"And no one in all of Gryffindor takes the class?"

"Not the advanced one," I said, "not except Lily Evans, and I can't get into the girls' dormitory." _Despite Sirius and James' best efforts. _I was starting to feel pretty good about myself. Even if she didn't excuse me from trouble, getting caught for an overzealous attempt at furthering academics was much better than getting caught raiding a professor's diary.

"This is unlike you, Lupin. Five points from Gryffindor for being out of your dormitory after hours. I won't give you detention because your intent was honorable, even though you are late to finish this essay." Her haughty disappointment softened a little. "Be careful with your company. Habits are shared more easily than not."

"I understand, Profes—"

"Remus!" A dark haired figure ran towards me from the other end of the hall. "Thank goodness you found me!"

Sirius jogged up to McGonagall and me, panting slightly. Her eyebrows were back in place, almost lost in her hat.

"Remus was a hero, Professor," he said, looking up at her with the expression of an adoring dog. I tried to catch his eye to mouth for him to shut up, but he wouldn't break his gaze. "We heard a roar from down here, and Remus was going to go investigate alone! I only just caught him leaving the dorm and followed, even though he told me to stay safe in my bed."

I stopped trying to meet his eyes. There was no going back. Instead I inspected my feet to deter McGonagall's heated glare.

"Is that so?" she said, her voice dangerously interested.

"And it was a troll!" Sirius said excitedly, lost in his own story. "A big, huge, drooling troll. And it was going to eat everybody."

"Sirius," I moaned. But he was unstoppable now that he had an audience.

"Remus fought admirably, but it's a good thing I was there, because it knocked the wand straight out of Remus' hand! It was just about to eat him when I cast a… a leg lock hex! It fell over and hit its head and died!"

"You killed a troll?"

"Yup."

"Where is he now?"

"Er… just before he died, he disapparated."

I burrowed my face in my hands.

"Admirable," McGonagall said, "I just have one question for you, before I alert the faculty to look for breaches in the school's defense to stop further trolls from getting in."

"Ask away."

"What color was it?"

Sirius glanced at me. Then at Professor McGonagall. "Green?"

"Twenty-five points from Gryffindor. Each. Sirius, a _troll_ inside Hogwarts is the least plausible thing I have ever heard of. I'd sooner believe the Dark Lord himself had come for tea than a _troll._ What was it doing, lurking in the girls' bathroom?" She spun towards me. "Did this troll eat your Astronomy book, Lupin?"

"No, Professor." I kept my head down.

"Remember what I told you, Lupin. Your companions make you," she said tersely. "Detention for a week for a combination of lying, being out of dorm afterhours, and incompetence concerning Hogwarts' enchantments and the color of trolls. They're _grey_, Sirius. And I'm letting you off easy."

"Easy?" Sirius squeaked. "How's that? I think you gave us the maximum punishment possible."

"I'm not going to ask what you were doing out of bed at this hour. My office, 9 o'clock tomorrow night."

_

**A/N: If you've seen Shaun of the Dead and remember Ed's relationship with Shaun's mom, Barbara, then you know how my heart of hearts wants Sirius to act with McGonagall. Only I think the Professor's a little too sharp to let comments like that slide.**

McGonagall: Sirius, I see you have yet to transfigure your needle into a matchstick.  
Sirius: Why do I need to? My needle already can prick _**and**_** start a fire.  
McGonagall: =(  
Remus: (=O  
James: =D**

R&R! Mostly the second R, since if you're reading this you probably did the first already.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Short chapter—but it came to such a neat conclusion it would have been a pity to extend it just to make it come out a little longer! Particular thanks to Bottlebrush, whose reviews are an inspiration!**

_

We walked back mostly in silence. Peter and James had gone ahead back to the dorms, and taken the books with them. I was cross with Sirius for his ridiculous story and poor timing, but also uncertain. His tall and thin shadow accompanied me back, walking slightly ahead. I tried to catch his eye, but in the dim light it was hard, and he wouldn't look at me.

"Why exactly did you let McGonagall catch you?" I asked his backside after a long silence. He crossed his arms and didn't slow his pace.

"I was the one that told you to go back without the cloak," he finally said.

True. I gave a little huff at that. The dragon spleen phial was still in my hand; a poor reward for a night of abandonment and detention. But Sirius' sulking felt unnatural to me. He was supposed to be much better at brushing these things off. "It made sense," I said, though I wasn't sure I agreed. My anger had abated next to this unusually bothered Sirius. "I _am_ a prefect."

Sirius made a noncommittal gesture, but he slowed his pace and turned to me, letting his arms drop to his side. He smiled at me, the sweet sort of soft smile that he gives only rarely and usually when he's tired. It was my favorite sort—the kind of smile he gave when he wanted to convey that a smile was important. Not the usual rambunctious grin that always accompanied him. It might not be the most genuine, but it was real in that he meant it to be there.

I smiled back, the detention slipping from my mind.

"So I wasn't able to defeat the troll, hmm?" I said, taking him back to his ridiculous tale.

"I needed an excuse to be there!"

"Your excuse was rescuing me from a giant green troll?" I smiled in spite of myself. For all his recklessness, Sirius was fiercely loyal.

"Well _someone_ had to. You weren't doing so well yourself, were you?"

"I could manage!"

"What were you going to do? Growl at it? Throw a bit of wood?"

_

When we arrived to the Gryffindor common room to the anxious faces of James and Peter, we were still laughing. It was bizarre, considering minutes before I was humiliated into a detention after being subjected to breaking and entering a professor's office. It somehow felt natural, sitting with Sirius, James, and Peter, laughing at Sirius' stupid story and McGonagall's expression. The books sat untouched in the corner, a prize to be saved for another day.

That night as I waited for sleep to take me in the private cave my curtains created for me, I thought about what Professor McGonagall had said. _Your companions make you_. Perhaps it was true. Considering what I was without them—a quiet, studious boy who turned into a monster once a month—I didn't think it was such a bad thing to be influenced by a group of boys that were so distinctly human.

_

**A/N: Please review. I won't beg, but I might bribe with promised fluff in upcoming chapters. **


	5. Chapter 5

"When will you finally wake up, _Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_? I'm tired of you sleeping with your head in the clouds!" Lily's voice penetrated the warmth of sleep. I groaned. Lily's shrill reprimand greeted us every morning ever since Sirius had enchanted Peter's discarded shoe to repeat James' latest rejection. Sirius had amended it a bit, replacing 'James Potter' with 'Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs' in a poor imitation of Lily's voice.

I opened my eyes and lay still in my own pocket of the world, safe behind thick, dark velvet curtains. But the shoe kept flapping insults and I could hear movement all around me. Finally I pulled back the covers and peeked out into the horrible daylight.

Sirius' perky face greeted me from his bed, smiling proudly as he flicked his wand to shut the shoe up. He wore his bare skin like a fur coat. I already felt chilly in my flannel sleeping shirt just from opening the curtains and letting my sleep-warmth out.

"I love waking up to Lily's sweet voice every morning! Don't you, Peter?" Sirius grinned up at the bunk above me.

Peter chuckled, happy to be in on the joke. "She's a bit off a nag, though—I wanted to sleep in!"

James crawled down from his bunk, morning grumpiness lined with malcontent. He at least had the decency to look chilly, wrapping his arms around his bare chest and glaring at Sirius with tired eyes.

"This has been two weeks, Sirius. Your toes were only purple for a week and a half."

"Thirteen days. And they smelled like old grapes! Besides, I thought you said you wanted to wake up to Lily? Isn't that what you told me?"

"That was after you made me drink firewhiskey! She's stupid, anyway, thinking I'll put up with her playing hard to get for so long."

I avoided James' eyes (then again, I was avoiding everyone's. It was early). Sirius was right—he had a few more days before the prank reached its runtime. It was a part of the code—the sacred, unwritten, unreferenced code that guarded our existence. I doubted any of the others recognized the organized boundaries defined by trial and error I thought of as 'the code' for what it was. Still, it pleased me to no end. The self-proclaimed rule-breakers had rules of their own. And one of them was that a retaliatory prank could exceed the initial prank by a small margin, to keep things balanced.

I wish there was a rule about annoying those that had no part in either prank.

The sauntering witch above Sirius' bed wasn't much of a morning person, either. She was adjusting her voluptuous chest discreetly, shooting less-discreet accusatory glares at the wide awake Sirius. The orange bra had started to fade into normal routine, but whenever it caught my eye I felt irrationally upset with it.

"Last date with McGonagall tonight, Moony!" Sirius said, pulling pants on over his boxers. I averted my eyes, afraid of catching a glance of something when he lifted a leg… partly because I was eerily drawn to strain for one. I think it's human's morbid attraction to something they don't necessarily want to see—like the decapitated head in a horror movie, or the results of a bad car accident. Sirius always put me in this position—part of his morning routine involved asking me some mundane question he knew I was too tired to respond to while lifting his leg at me.

"Yes," I mumbled, seizing my shirt, pants, and robe. I threw the curtains shut and tried to reclaim the sense of personal space. It was too late, though. The cool air had gotten in and voices filtered through.

Reluctantly I shimmied into my clothes. I wondered what they would do if I got dressed in front of them. All of them seemed comfortable doing it themselves, but that was because it was a part of the routine. If I did it, it would be different; weird. I'd already settled into this pattern, and five years later, now that I might actually feel comfortable bare-chested in front of them, I felt obligated to change in the privy, closet, or (depending on how cold it was outside), my bed. I shrugged a thick sweater on and pulled the curtains back to officially tolerate the morning.

Sirius was still bare-chested. So was James, and Peter had on an open silk pyjama top, but Sirius somehow _flaunted_ his naked chest. He scratched his stomach idly as he stood, staring at the cluttered mess radiating from his bed. He bore a quizzical expression as he looked about him. For once, his hair wasn't perfectly teased into place, making a sloppy wreck on his head to rival James.

He finally found what he was looking for—a discarded shirt from the messy ground—and bent to retrieve it, shoulder muscles moving solidly on his youthfully lanky body.

"Moony," James said, tugging a shirt on himself, "did you finish the last couple of questions on the Transfiguration homework? I accidentally spent the evening playing chess instead."

"No," I said, snapping my head over to him quickly, "I mean, yes. In the front pouch of my bag. You owe me a chocolate frog."

"Will do," he said, digging through my bag. I felt a little guilty, but James always was eager to help me with Charms homework, and I did so love chocolate frogs.

By the time I had directed James to my homework, Sirius had made himself fully decent and was in front of the mirror, fully engaged with his hair.

_

**A/N: Thank you for the thoughtful reviews! What's lacking is quantity is made up for in the quality! You lot are spectacular. Also all of the watches and favorites are very flattering!**


	6. Chapter 6

We met McGonagall for 'our little date' at 9. She was brusque—managing detention is a common element to her day, I imagine. Sirius was on familiar terms with her detentions, having experienced them commonly.

She had told us to meet in her classroom for today, and we arrived in the quirky, albeit neat room to find her and a ghostly professor waiting for us.

"Professor Binns?" Sirius said incredulously, gaping at the opaque man.

"Yes, Mr. Black. I have been thinking about all of the profound holes in your little troll story, and decided you need some of these filled in or Hogwarts will have failed you completely. Professor Binns has kindly agreed to give a short lesson on the troll wars, and, if you're lucky, he might tell you something about Hogwarts history. And I'm sure Mr. Lupin would not object to a good review." She surveyed the two of us sternly, her eyebrows pulled together tightly as if laced into a permanent frown. "Pay attention. I expect a short summary of your lesson tomorrow morning. Good evening." She said, and whisked herself away in a flurry of self-satisfaction.

I speculate she had a good laugh when she was out of earshot. Possibly a long, wicked laugh with her head thrown back.

"Couldn't we just keep polishing the tarnished practice silverware with a toothbrush?" Sirius muttered under his breath.

Professor Binns cleared his throat and took his place at the front of the room, as though he had a classroom full of students. I shrugged at Sirius. We moved to the very back seats of the classroom (the most valued in our History of Magic class) and took our seats with no protest from the droning ghost.

"The trolls are territorial," he said, his voice even, a steady line with no rising and falling emotion, "as are goblins. And some dwarves, too. But trolls are particularly territorial, sometimes—"

I lost him after that, his voice fading to white noise. I might have tried to listen, but Sirius was poking my side to get my attention.

"Hey," he whispered in a hissing voice that carried across the room, "let's finish the potion tonight. The searching potion. I have some suspicions about the stretch of wall near the Divinations classroom."

I imagined Sirius standing and staring suspiciously at a perfectly innocent wall, vowing to return with greater force.

"Do you suspect every wall you pass?"

"Every wall that doesn't have a door, yes." He paused for a moment, "and some that do."

I was actually grateful—the dragon spleen was starting to smell a bit, preserving enchantments and all. And the map—I flushed with pride to think of it. For once I had an equal part in one of their creations. It made me understand the triumph Sirius and James felt after a successful prank or shenanigan—the thought, preparation, and successful completion gave a sense of accomplishment an Outstanding on an exam couldn't quite compare to.

Except it wasn't completed.

"Let's do it tonight," I agreed. We sat in silence for a while, Binn's droning like a bee's thrum, if bee's cleared phantom throats on occasion. I was starting to drift into a lovely train of thought—a daydream about the sort of fantastic things we might find behind a concealed door-when Sirius hissed at me again.

"Moony," he said. I looked dully over at him. "I've been thinking about a new target."

"Oh? Snape's getting old, hmm?" That was a bit of a sore spot for me, but I didn't dare bring it up—it had become a staple of a good Marauder's diet.

"No. Well, not old, but… he does do the same thing every time. Says something he thinks is terribly witty and leaves with the impression that he's won."

Sometimes Snape had a point. Wicked and awful as he could be, sometimes I think his witty comebacks did win some of the exchanges. James, Sirius, and Peter never put much stock into them. But hearing Snape put voice to some of the concerns I secretly thought about… well, sometimes he was spot on. He would wryly mention James' ego, Sirius' immaturity, or Peter and my own absolute compliance. I didn't like toying with someone that could spot our flaws so openly.

Whenever I felt too sympathetic, though, I'd hear him insult someone's lineage and saw him as the same greasy-haired slime ball as the rest of the Marauders. Not enough to warrant our constant attention, though. So a new target was appealing to me.

"Who is it?"

A wicked grin split Sirius' face and I began to regret expressing interest.

"Lily Evans."

"No."

Sirius put on one of his pouts—not the flashy, big eyed, pitiful one he gave James, but his reflex pout. Part scowl, part incredulity, and part defiance.

"_Sirius!"  
_  
"Why not? What good has she ever done us?"

"She helped you with Potions homework."

"Yeah. Once. Last year." He crossed his arms. I could tell he was disappointed in my reaction.

"What did James say about it?" I couldn't believe James was up for this. Whatever stupid things he inadvertently stammered at her, I couldn't imagine him actually _planning _to offend her.

Sirius scratched the side of his face, a habit he picked up when he read it would help facial hair grow. No luck thus far, except for an annoying habit when he was feeling sheepish.

"You haven't asked him."

"Well—no. I thought I'd run it by you first."

I hadn't expected that. I busied myself with a spirally pattern on the corner of my parchment and kept my eyes down. I didn't know what imploring look he was giving me, but just like his boxers in the morning, I didn't trust myself to risk a look.

"What were you planning to do exactly?" I finally said. No harm in asking. Besides, if he was running it by me first, I figured I'd give it my professional opinion.

I could feel Sirius' excitement next to me. I inadvertently glanced over to see his reckless grin; a wild, boyish element to his aristocratic face that was the key to his overwhelming success with the female population of Hogwarts. There was a little flutter in my stomach for having caused it. I quickly returned my gaze to the parchment, adding meticulously placed dots at regular increments.

"Something subtle. She's a clever one, whatever I keep telling James. I was thinking about doing something related to her temper, since it always seems to go off when we're around. Any ideas?" His open request for my opinion appealed to me enough to give it some thought.

"Mm. Do you remember Glorny's Firebreath spell?"

"He was the bloke that got all that money out of Muggles by making himself spit fire on street corners, right?"

"Mhmm. Until his wife set the house on fire trying to start the stove with it. But you might be able to downplay it to something safer. Something more like sparks."

"Hah! Brilliant, Moony! At the crescendo of one of her temper tantrums, she starts bloody _sparking_ everywhere."

"Maybe even cast it to have a delayed effect, so it goes off when you want it and no one will see you point your wand."

"Right, a keyword. Do you think "arrogant prick" is appropriate? She uses that one often enough."

I snorted. There was something so wonderfully conspiratorial about this that I wanted to laugh out loud and pull out extra sheets of parchment and sit with Sirius in a corner somewhere just to plot. It was _our_ plan, _our_ secret. Sirius had asked for my advice, and I had become a partner in this mischief.

Professor Binns finished talking. There wasn't so much a conclusion as an abrupt silence. Then he left the classroom.

"S'pose that means we're done." Sirius said, stretching and arching his back to get out the kinks. He had terrible posture when in the classroom. With his cultured and handsome face, it was sort of like watching someone take a brand new Ferrari four-wheeling (though I'm sure he wouldn't understand the comparison).

"I hope I can remember enough about the Troll wars to get by on McGonagall's essay." I should have listened. I almost always listened, especially when there would be a paper, but Sirius had been a bit of a distraction.

Sirius held up a piece of parchment. It had jotted notes from Professor Binns' lecture that he must have copied intermittently while we spoke.

I crumpled my own doodled parchment self-consciously.

_

**A/N: Little bit longer chapter here. I could have split it in twain, but were I Remus, I would be upset if my conversation got interrupted to make a chapter break. Also I have an illustration for the previous chapter on deviantart posted on my profile page.**


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